So I wore my black reef flip-flops with my casual sundress, no big. Dominic and I were on our way to meet his mom at her work, to pass out some wedding invitations. But as we were walking to the skytrain, Dominic made a small comment about my shoes, wondering why I hadn't worn high heels with a dress. I told him my reasonings, and he said it's ok, don't worry about it.
We arrived where Dominic's mom works, a government savings bank. When she first saw me, his young-looking, bubbly, 50-something-year-old mom, was smiling broadly at me as usual. In Thai, she immediately said that I looked beautiful, but was wondering why I hadn't worn nicer shoes.
Dominic explained to her how all my heels were at work. She simply forced a grin and nodded, hurriedly leading us up a flight of stairs to the vice president of the bank's office.
When I am meeting someone who is in a higher position in a company or in the world than I am, I try to show them the same respect I would my family or friends. I have come to realize that person is just a human like me whom I respect no more or less than anyone else in the world.
But showing more respect for those who are older, above you in a company, status, or in charge in Thai, and most Asian cultures, is a HUGE deal. It is important to not only show respect, but also show that you have it all together, so you will earn the person in charge's respect.
I knew this Thai concept, but it was drilled into my head all morning. The VP we waited so patiently for, met us for about two minutes. During those two minutes, Dominic's mom, I suppose in order to earn his respect and attendance at our wedding, elaborated on how amazing the wedding was going to be. We would have appetizers, and it would be at the Royal Thai Naval Institute.
After the our short meeting with VP, we moved on to the next important people offices, then to the less important people, and then to other sort-of important people, riding up and down the elevators Dominic used to play on when he was a kid.
During all her speeches to each person, again she elaborated on about the wedding details. Then she also added that the reason we were having the wedding on a random day, Tuesday, January 6th, was that Dominic and I would be in America before, so that was the best day for us to do it. This isn't true, but I guess it helps her not to lose respect or face if people are like, what weirdos have a wedding on a Tuesday?
What tickled me the most was her excuse about my shoes. She brushed away everyone's eyes that seemed to look at my flip-flopped feet, by telling the starer that my feet were injured or in pain, so I had to wear flip-flops instead of heels. Also not true, but yet again, the excuse protects her from losing face and being looked down for having a future-daughter-in-law who doesn't know how to dress politely.
Dominic was telling me how it annoys him how Thai culture can sometimes just be a big show. No one was really that excited to be going to a wedding for their boss' son that they didn't even know, how could they be?
But they smiled graciously, pretending it was something they had been looking forward to all year, for the sake of showing respect to their boss and earning their boss's respect.
We weren't too thrilled to be pulled around like a new toy a kid wants to show off to their friends, and to have everyone giggle at me when I bow like a Thai person, and exclaim how handsome Dominic is...but in order to show respect to Dominic's mom, we did it.
This is all part of Thai culture. Either I can run away from it crying that things aren't like this in America, or I can accept it, smile along, and learn from it. I was on the brink of the former response, but eventually chose the latter. And American culture has its own special quirks too that I'm sure many foreigners want to run away from. As I have said before and learned, no culture is perfect, right, or wrong. Nope..all of them are just different :)
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